My First Love...

Pastor Joel's message this past weekend was about relationships.
I love when he shares about relationships. He has so much wisdom and shares such good insights and truths that I often need to be reminded about.

His message was a good and timely one.
The key point for me was basically the truth that my relationship with God is essential to my relationships in life -- to truly be free to really love people in my life.
Really, my relationship with God is essential to my life -- period.
I loved and needed the sweet reminder to "return to my first love."
I've been hearing that message a lot lately.
Hearing it as often as I have in the last few weeks -- SIGH -- praying that I would not just HEAR, but DO.

On Being Single...
Since living and working in Asia it has felt like I get asked a lot more often why it is that I'm not yet married.

Sometimes when people ask that it feels like they are saying that a husband and marriage is just something you can run out and get at the store. It's like they are saying to me, "So, why didn't you just pick one up??"
Is it really that easy? Hahahaha.

Sometimes during these types of conversations I start to feel like they think I have chosen against marriage.
Like I have chosen not to get married.
Like I have had -- and declined -- tons of offers.

I haven't. I haven't declined any offers; there have been none. :)
I have not chosen against marriage.
I am a believer of marriage. I would like to be in one.
When it's time. When it's the right person.

I also don't feel like I have chosen career over marriage and family. I have heard that one too.
And when people hear about my work and the life I lead... I get this "Aaahhh..." like they've figured me out.
But no, I don't feel like I have chosen an adventurous, travel-filled lifestyle over settling down and having a family.

I feel like I have tried to choose to say YES to God.
I have asked of Him,"Where and what can I do to be a part of what you're doing in the world," and I've chosen to do those things as He reveals the opportunities to me.

I feel like I have chosen to try to live my life in a way so that whether I am 80 and single OR 80 and married with a long line of grandkids, I want to be able to say that I lived my life responding to God and not feel like I was continually just waiting for life to start.

For the most part I feel content in life.
Does that mean I don't want to be a wife and a mother??
No. Honestly, I still long for that.
And, I've been challenged lately in thinking about why I sometimes feel as though I have to be hush-hush about that desire.

I do wonder that while I have not consciously chosen against marriage etc., have my decisions in life, my lifestyle, my independent nature, etc. do they reflect subconsciously a choice in themselves??

I don't know the answer to that... but, I do know...
I'll continue to say YES to God...and trust Him for the one who says YES too.
And then ... we'll say YES together. :)