My bags are packed. I think I'm ready.
Tomorrow morning I'll head into the office to pick up a few things (including my passport!) and will head to the airport at 9:30 AM.

I'm a bundle of emotions.

I'm incredibly excited.
I'm looking forward to visiting a new place! I'm definitely excited about meeting the people there. I'm excited about experiencing the culture, the food... everything!

I'm nervous.
I'm going to a new place! I'm nervous about finding the connections I'll need to make. I'm nervous about how I'll adjust to the food, the environment... and the people. I'm nervous about how well I'll do with sharing helpful, useful information.

Mostly, in all honesty, I feel like I'm playing a little "out-of-my-league."
But I'm going prepared, ready and willing.
Praying that He will give me all the wisdom, all the ability, all the knowledge as I go.
Praying that as I offer all that I have and all that I can, that He will accept my offering, find it pleasing -- and use it all beyond my limitations, my lackings, and my faults ...

January 28, 2009, my good friends, Emily and Marshall, had their first baby!
My buddy, Alexander, helps me keep track of how long I've been in the Philippines. The day after he was born, I boarded a plane to head to Manila!! Fun!!

Emily does a great job at keeping all her friends and family updated on Alex through their blog. I love it! I get to see how big he's gotten. I get to hear about all the things he's doing. She shares about the things he's learning and all the fun little personality traits he's developing. I love that I can see how he's growing up even though I don't live nearby anymore!!!
Post to post I can visibly see how much he's changed. Look at the cutie!!!

I wish that change, learning and growth would be as clearly recognizable in my life as it is in his! :)

Alex and I are heading to our ONE YEAR mark. ONE YEAR!!
I can quickly see how he's grown and changed in this year.
Unfortunately, I can't as easily see how (if) I've grown and changed in this same amount of time.

For the last week or so I've been having a rough time. I don't know what it is, but I've just had more moments when I've felt more sad, more lonely, more alone (i think that they are different), more homesick, more unsure of how I'm doing at work, more uncertain of if I'm making a difference in anything by being here, more questioning of everything, more aware of how I've not yet learned things I've wanted to learn, more aware of how I've not yet done things I've wanted to do by now, more aware of how disconnected I am from friends and family back home...

I do believe that I have been learning and growing over the past year. Sometimes though, it just doesn't feel that way. At times like this I wish I could see things more clearly... more visibly.

In the meantime, I'll continue to track with my cute, little buddy, Alex -- and enjoy watching and seeing all the little milestones and marks of growth in his life and be encouraged by the little guy. :)

A few months ago I blogged about a special way that God has encouraged me with a little bit of beauty in the middle of the city.

Every morning on my walk into the office I'd look at the bunch of flowers and smile, sigh a little, and just say a little word of thanks to God. Seeing the flowers there was just a sweet little something that reminded me that I'm not alone and that I'm cared for and remembered by a very thoughtful and generous Heavenly Father. To me it's like someone knowing me sooo well and giving me the most perfect gift ever -- everyday!

Last Wednesday I was walking to work and was a little surprised when I turned the corner and saw my love plant. "Wow! So many bright, pink flowers! It's getting so tall! It's so full!! How beautiful!" And I said my little word of thanks to God for that little beautiful, bright spot. And for some reason that day, I said too to Him -- "Sigh, one day they're going to have to get rid of it... but I won't forget. I know that even when these flowers aren't there that it doesn't change anything of what it has helped me to remember. You'll still love me. You're still with me. You're still a great gift giver."

Well... wouldn't you know it. The very next day I turn the corner and GONE! MURDERED I SAY!
My little love plant was cut down. It was no more.

But... there on the sidewalk by where my love plant used to stand -- one lone flower. So, I stooped down as I walked past the spot and picked it up.SIGH. Goodbye love plant.

"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." - Isaiah 40:8

"Lord, teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, 'Speak, for Thy servant heareth.' Let me hear Thee speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the sound of Thy voice, that its tones may be familiar when the sounds of earth die away and the only sound will be the music of Thy speaking voice. Amen."

- Tozer, A.W., The Pursuit of God (82).

These pictures were taken on the day we left for the WWSE.
The day our flight took off was the day the 2nd typhoon was expected in the area.
The taxi ride from home to the airport was evidence of the dreaded anticipation of the storm's arrival.

These iron grids are usually covered with huge billboards.
When storms are expected they're taken down.
The whole route long very few (if any??) billboards were seen.

While I was away I lost track of what storms came, which ones passed, and where storms actually hit.
I'm living in Manila... and I lost track.

Coming back to Manila and watching some of the local programming I am reminded... the storm's destruction is still very real. People are still putting their lives back together. There are still areas flooded. There are still people in need of food, clothing and shelter. Whole areas have been destroyed and will need to be rebuilt.

I'm living in Manila... Lord, help me to not lose track.

It is good ... soo good to be home.

I arrived in Manila a little after 2 pm yesterday.
When I got back to my apartment I quickly unpacked (yes, I always unpack immediately upon getting home...), cleaned my kitchen (I evidently forgot to take out the kitchen trash before I left -- and my apartment smelled like it) -- and then stayed in bed until this afternoon.

I ended my week at WWSE -- sick. Unfortunately, I started to not feel too well on Thursday evening. I ended up spending the night in the bathroom. I decided to not attend the meetings on Friday and slept pretty much the entire day.

Thankfully, I was already starting to feel better as we journeyed 2 hours by bus to the airport... and then another 4 in the plane. But boy, was I ready to be home!

I am now feeling much better. Back to normal... I think.

Because I've not been feeling well, I haven't done much processing of the week.
I still need to do that.
But a quick thought...

I AM BLESSED.

Blessed...

• by my roommates from this past week who loved on me with their words of encouragement, their prayers, and their feeding me when I was sick.
• by friends here and far away who care about how I'm doing, check in on me, and help me in so many ways.
• with partners in ministry who have made every experience I've had a possibility.
• to have God's Word to turn to at all times.
• to have had a free hour to run around the town during the conference to take photos!
• to have had some time to rest and get better.
• to have a home that is safe, clean, and undamaged to return to...
  

So much from today was incredibly inspiring. I sat in workshops about HIV/AIDS, Scripture in Times of Crisis, and one on Holistic Engagement.

Wow! God is really doing AMAZING things. And He is using incredible people to do these things.
Incredibly, people who are normal, ordinary, day-to-day people!
Inspiring. Motivating. Challenging.

There is so much to say... but this will have to do for now.

OH!! And this...MAGNUM!!

Love it!!!
I told the man at the mini shop here at the conference center that he'll be seeing me everyday so I can have my Magnum bar.
He laughed.
I was serious.

Today was a long day.

The first day of meetings. Very encouraging things.
One thing I'm excited about for the week is the assigned small group I'm in.
I am assigned to Small Group #2. Around our table are hearing and Deaf individuals from all over the world. We have sign language interpreters for Costa Rican Sign Language, Korean, Japanese and American Sign Language. Cool. I'm enjoying learning from and with this group.

I know that throughout this day there were a lot of good things discussed and many things to consider. BUT, all things today were blurred by the news I got during one of the morning sessions.

One of my friends is here at the conference. She told me yesterday that she wanted to talk to me. Today she told me -- a mutual friend of ours is home, in the hospital, sick with cancer -- it's serious and far along. SIGH.

Sometimes I just don't understand. And you know what? I really, really hate cancer. Is it okay for me to say that?

Yes, I know that God uses all things together for good. Yes, I know that God is sovereign. I just don't understand.

But, I guess that's the thing. I can't understand everything. I won't ever.
But, I can focus on understanding God's goodness, His faithfulness, His care, His provision, His everything... and rest on that.

Praying.
Hoping.
Believing.

So, last week I was in Antique, celebrating the launching of the New Testament and gathering stories of how the community has been involved in the work of not just translating the Scriptures, but also seeing the people of the community using, learning from and being transformed by the Scriptures.

The week was action packed. We started our days early in the morning, and worked through the day and into the night. The days were filled with meeting lots of people, taking photos and conducting interviews. We were up and about... and it was fun.

This week I'm ... in meetings.
Usually the word "meetings" drags on me.
I think of ...

• sitting in a room that's way too cold from the AC.
  
• sitting in the same room for eight hours straight.
• smiling and nodding at people who I've met before at other meetings while trying my hardest to remember "who is that again?"
• or worse... being on the other awkward side of that greeting and having to remind people of who I am.
  
• spending 8 hours in meetings and then an additional how many hours post-meetings catching up on "real" work
• being in a new country or city and the whole time just seeing the backs of people's heads and the hotel conference room decor.
  

The meetings don't officially start until tomorrow. So today I got to roam a bit with my new friends from PNG (Senena and Badi) and mentally and emotionally start to switch gears from last week's experience to this week's meetings.

We had a brief opening session this evening.
What I heard and saw has encouraged me and is helping with the gear-switching.
There are over 250 participants gathered here representing 105 different organizations.
Among us we represent 43 nationalities serving in 55 different countries.
And there are 51 people serving on an international or regional level (including me).

We come together this week to network and connect... to learn... to exchange ideas... to be challenged... to be transformed. All those here have a heart and passion for God's Word and wanting to maximize the exposure and engagement of people worldwide with God's Word.

I'm so looking forward to hearing about the ways people are working and seeing the exchange of ideas among the people here.

And personally, I'm eager to be challenged by God this week.
A pastor who prayed for the group said that this really is about each one of US, our relationships and our encounters with the Lord. He asked us to think..."Is the Word of God dwelling in each of US richly as we seek to see it so in others?"

THAT is a question I've been wrestling with over this last week. As I've witnessed the eagerness and excitement of the Kinaray-a as they received His Word in their language, I've been challenged and convicted about my own passion for His Word (or lack of?). SIGH.

Pray for what God has in store this week -- for me personally -- and especially for the group gathered.

Conference Life.

Most anyone serving in this organization who has attended a conference or two could probably relate to this experience.

The oh-too-familiar scene of first meeting the roommates.

Arrived around midnight at the hotel.
Checked in and was told that my friends were already checked in and in the room.

"My friends?" I asked.
"Yes, the two women are already there. They have the keys," replied the friendly check-in guy.

I asked for their names. Neither sounded familiar to me.
So, I figured that they were my assigned roommates for the week so I headed over to the room.
I was hesitant thinking... "Who would open the door at this hour to a stranger?"

I arrived at the room and rang the bell... once... twice... three times.
"Oh this is horrible. They're legitimately asleep ... I don't want to wake them up."

So I went back down to the desk and asked if there was another set of keys that I could have to let myself in.
"We have two sets, ma'am and they were given to the first two parties."
"Great," I thought.

So the man gets the master key and a security man to let me in the room.
We make the walk back to the building, up the escalator to the 3rd floor and over to the room.
Security man rings the bell... once...twice...KNOCK...KNOCK..."Security."

He put the key in the lock, turned the knob... URGH!
Swinging door latch.
Denied.

All I want is a bed and a good night's sleep.
I was starting to picture myself camped out in the lobby for the night.

I reason with the guy -- "Who is going to open the door at this hour?"
But he persisted.
After more knocks... more rings... and more calling out "Security," a set of eyes peeked out of the slit between to door and the door jam.

He tells the woman, "Your friend," and motions in my direction.
Surely she thought the same thing I did, "My friend?" Hahah.

So I stepped in line of view and told her..."Hi. (head down in embarrassment) I'm assigned to stay in this room with you for the WWSE conference."

And with that, the door was shut, the door latch swung open and I got to meet my new friends.

They had no idea that there was going to be a third roommate assigned to the room. So they locked up and went to sleep. And I woke them from their much deserved sleep.
After having travelled overnight from Port Morsby, Papua New Guinea, the last thing they needed was some girl waking them up in the middle of the night to let her in. But, I'm grateful they did wake up ... and they welcomed me so graciously. What kind, gracious, new friends!!!

I'm looking forward to getting to know these new friends from PNG, serving with BTA (Bible Translation Association).

I came home Wednesday night.
I unpacked my Antique stuff, did some laundry, and...packed up my bags again.

In a few hours I'll leave to meet some colleagues at their house and we'll catch a taxi together to head over to the airport to catch our flight out.

I think the hardest thing about my job is the exact same thing I love about my job... the travel.

I love visiting new places. I love meeting people from all over. I love being able to have new experiences. I love getting new glimpses of God from other perspectives and new experiences.

What is hard about it... is leaving. Leaving this place and that. And especially constantly leaving Manila. It's like I'm constantly pressing the "pause" button on life here. Relationships. Church. Community.

I think I feel it most significantly this time around. Flooding happened while I was AWAY in Antique. I came back for just two days. And I'm taking off again. I have this desire to be HERE with people to go through this WITH them -- even if it is being with them waiting for the next storm.

But, I'm boarding a plane this afternoon. And I will remember a word of encouragement from one of our ICC leaders...
"This, today, is where God wants me."

And I'll continue to pray for wisdom to know how to invest well in the relationships, people, places, etc. in this life I live.

So... off to get ready and go! See you on the other side :)

I try to think about things to learn or improve on after each time I take a bunch of photos (or anything really). This trip was PACKED with learning lessons (on not just taking photos... but EVERYTHING!).

Here is just one thing I want to remember and the photographic evidence of it...

PAY ATTENTION TO MY SURROUNDINGS!

Sometimes I get so focused on a photo that I want to capture and I forget to pay attention to what is going on around me or what's available to me around me.

For example...
While at the school I was with a group of girls in the playground area. I wanted to get a shot with the girls' faces circling around me. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much their same height so it was hard to really get enough above the girls faces.

Now, if I had taken time to "pay attention to my surroundings," I would have remembered that there was a bench just a few feet away (see it behind the girls??) and I could have easily gotten them above me and in a perfect circle.

URGH! URGH! URGH!
... and getting in the shot with them would have been a lot easier too!

Oh the lessons to learn! :)

This is another favorite face in Antique.

During my last trip to Antique, Ann and I visited with Pastor and Mrs. Cabaya in their home. With them was Ate Emma.

This woman is so incredibly warm and sweet spirited. During our visit she walked us all the way to the main street in the hot, hot, hot heat so she could shade us with her umbrella. There is something about her that makes me happy. She is full of His JOY.

I was so happy when I saw her again at the dedication and also at church on Sunday. Her smile is sooo filled with love and joy -- it's awesome.

I was flipping through photos on my camera and showed a photo I took of her to Mrs. Alentajan (Pastor Larry's wife). She mentioned that she's always been a single lady.

Ah. A kindred spirit then :) hehehe.

But seriously. I struggle with being single. There -- it's out... the truth.

Yes, I choose to be content. (I try to anyway.)
Yes, I choose to live my life fully without reservation NOW. (I try to anyway.)
Yes, I know God's plan, provision and timing is all perfect. (Although I often have to remind myself of it.)
And yes, I do want to be married and have a family. I leave that to the Lord. (At times I wrestle to let it go, but I try to leave it with Him.)

If it turns out I'm "always a single lady" -- I hope I'm like her. Full of JOY and LOVE -- giving of myself with warmth, a sweet spirit and generosity.

Saturday evening I got a text message from my cousin's wife asking for prayer.
My cousin, Raffy, was stuck in the floods here in Metro-Manila on the roof of his car -- already getting chills and no sign of rescue on its way.

Later, she posted this video on her facebook...

"This was the song my husband kept singing to himself during the flood!"
"Ralph got stranded and he swam to get home. He tried to stay on top of his car but the flood god too high and too strong so he spent the night balancing on a ladder. He just got home yesterday (Sunday)."

Praising God for the safety of my family, friends, and their families. Praying for His comfort and strength for those putting the pieces of life back together -- with the hovering anticipation of another storm on its way. Praying His HOPE, PEACE and PROVISION over their lives.