Over the past several weeks I have been getting this message from all kinds of places and people...
"return to your first love."

I love what I get to do for my work. I enjoy the challenges. I enjoy the things I get to learn. I love that I get to participate -- in a tiny, tiny way -- in things that ultimately will contribute to worshipers coming before the Lord. I love that I get to experience God through His people and His mission.
I chose, out of obedience, to do this work because of my love for God.

I worry though that sometimes I love my work... too much.

When I was in S. Asia the leader of the organization I was visiting challenged me with the thought...
"Have you become so busy preparing the carpet for the Kingdom, that you have lost the longing for the King."

One of our Area directors was also at the retreat and throughout the week he shared powerful messages from the book of Philippians. During one of his talks he used a common American nursery rhyme as an illustration and it stuck with me.

"Pussycat, pussycat... where have you been?"
"I've been to London to visit the queen."
"Pussycat, pussycat... what did you dare?"
"I frightened a little mouse under her chair."

Sometimes I become so easily diverted. How often am I unable to maintain focus and get caught up in trivial things? How often am I like the cat, who in the presence of Royalty, loses focus and gets distracted by all kinds of tiny things that get in my view?

And then the other weekend, Pastor Joel was sharing at Northland about the central nature our relationship with God must have in our lives. He shared how the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, Dr. Bill Bright, often shared with him this prayer request ... "Pray that I'd return to my first love." In his message, Pastor Joel said something like -- if this prayer request is good for the leader of one of the world's largest evangelical organizations, shouldn't it be good for us also?

Am I more passionate about preparing proposals and presentations than I am about dwelling in His holy presence?

And so, that is my prayer... I want to "return to my first love." I fear that I've been losing the single-minded purpose of knowing God. I am saddened to think that I've become so preoccupied laying carpet in the kingdom, that I've been missing out on the presence of the King.

Philippians 3 strongly describes how completely worthless and gross any of my accomplishments or anything is ... in comparison to having Christ. It's all rubbish.

So I've been thinking about this and just wondering what does this mean. What needs to change in my life? Sometimes I act as though I have to make some "grand act" or there needs to be some big, huge "event" -- something that will just turn things around and make everything new and different. But I think I realized something tonight as I was listening to church online again.

My relationship with God is just that... a relationship.
And relationships hinge on commitment, communication and choices.
And in relationships -- like marriage -- you choose to love.
Every day. Every moment.
You take opportunities to choose to love. You look for opportunities to love. You act in ways to express love. You listen in love. You submit in/to love. You use your words to love.
You continually make choices that reflect your continual decision to love.
Every day. Every moment. In big ways. In the tiniest of ways.
And I think in continually making those choices, you are loving... and you grow deeper in love.

I know... simple truths. But these simple truths sometimes escape me and I become desperately in need of reminders. By God's grace... He knows... and He does.

Pray that the choices I make... every day, every moment...are choices reflecting a constant and continual return to my first love.


PS -- I just re-read this and thought some people may be concerned that I'm not being proactive enough about making choices towards making change. I know... especially me ... I need to be very intentional about decisions to bring about change. It doesn't just happen. So "action steps" will be made...
But I think I needed to realize was that there are decisions and choices I make day-to-day, in between the "action steps" in between the "big events" and "grand acts" that are just as significant. -- if that makes any sense to ANYONE :)

...was actually spent in Mega Mall.

I love when I get weekends at home. I enjoy sleeping in, taking care of things in my house, lounging around watching movies or reading. I enjoy being home. Go ahead, call me a home-body :)

This weekend I'm in Manila and was looking forward to being home today.
BUT, knowing that I'm taking off next weekend I decided I should take care of an important errand today.

Several years ago I found the most fabulous travel companion... the PERFECT carry-on size luggage. For weeks I went to store after store. I inspected every piece available all over the Orlando area. I was determined to find just the right one. And there at Ross... I found him! He was a "unique" color -- olive green with red trim. The perfect size -- cabin sized that was also expandable. He was perfect for carrying on or checking in -- just right for a week-long trip. And durable!! He was my faithful friend on every trip we took together. SIGH.

He's not forever gone -- but he's far, far away.
When my parents were packing up to head home, they needed an extra piece of luggage. And since it was late on a Sunday night ...I had to say goodbye to him.

So today... I went to the mall with the insane idea that I'd be able to pick something up in an hour or so.

Because I am by far the most indecisive shopper EVER, the hour-long errand took more like 8 hours.
I am certain that I was the entertainment for all the luggage salespeople in that mall. I went from store to store checking things out. I opened bags. I opened compartments. I wheeled bags around. I expanded and collapsed the handles.

For hours. Literally.

I just couldn't make a decision so I decided to take a break. I ended up getting some frozen yogurt followed up with a trip to the hair salon. I was there for a while; I got a color and cut -- which comes with a nice head and back massage. Sitting there as Oliver massaged my head and shoulders I was thinking about why this errand had become SUCH a big deal.

I guess I'm still getting used to shopping here and not constantly comparing it with all my lifelong experiences of shopping at home. Shopping here isn't bad ... it's just different. Sometimes I find that I dwell on the differences and I just don't let myself get past them. And it's times like that when I get stalled.

Back home I shopped for luggage at Ross and Marshall's. I got really great deals on really good quality luggage. Often when I've shopped at those stores, you could spend your whole shopping trip without a single salesperson speaking to you until you get to the register. I felt the freedom to pull bags of shelves, open them up, and test them out.

Shopping here, salespeople make it their priority to help the customer in any way that they can. That often means that you can be approached by a lot of workers sharing products with you to see if it might be what you need. In the department stores each brand has salespeople assigned to it -- so because of that you might be approached by numerous people. And, because they are there to serve you, if anyone spots you pulling a bag out -- they are quick to help you out.

Shopping here REALLY isn't bad ... it is just different. I love how friendly the sales people are. I had some fun conversations with the sales people today. I love how eager they are to help. They tried their hardest to find something that would meet all my requirements. And boy --- were they patient!! But, sometimes I just want to walk the aisles at my own pace and not feel like I'm hurting someone or that I've wasted their time because I didn't end up buying their product. (Which really, that is just my own personal issue with being a people pleaser. I had one salesguy even tell me, "Oh that other brand you're looking at there. That's also a good quality. Yes, you should get that if you want to save money.")

When all the beautifying at the salon was complete, I left there determined to get past my mental blocks.
I returned to the store where I was warmly welcomed back by all my new luggage friends, "Oh, Ma'am you're back!" I decided to make a decision and buy something. I chose to forget about what my past experiences were like and make a decision based on my present reality.

And so, introducing my new friend...
She is beautiful! Or, as the sales guy told me -- sophisticated, like me. (Okay, so maybe I got suckered in a little bit by the flattery). She has a nice, smooth working "trolley" (i learned that term today). She has FIVE, yes FIVE wheels. She even has a built in TSA lock. And... she is NOT black. She is a charcoalish grey. I think she's different enough to stand out on the luggage carousel. And, I even picked up a little friend to go along with her. She'll be perfect to carry my laptop and my travel papers.

I sometimes get caught off guard when I find myself being overwhelmed or still experiencing moments of what people might call -- "culture shock."
So long as I recognize when I hit those moments and am able to move through them...

OH!!! I think I'm inspired by my friends who have their little travel buddies. A friend visiting this week had her "Kid Bean." Ruth has "Filbert." All the world has "Flat Stanley." And so, I think it would be nice to have a little stuffed buddy to travel through Asia with me.
Now to find just the right one... hahahahaha!!!

And another OH!! I don't mind that it took so long today. Because it was so late I went to have dinner at another nearby mall. And there I had my 2nd celebrity sighting... Derek Ramsey and Sam Milby. [BIG SMILE].

Pastor Joel's message this past weekend was about relationships.
I love when he shares about relationships. He has so much wisdom and shares such good insights and truths that I often need to be reminded about.

His message was a good and timely one.
The key point for me was basically the truth that my relationship with God is essential to my relationships in life -- to truly be free to really love people in my life.
Really, my relationship with God is essential to my life -- period.
I loved and needed the sweet reminder to "return to my first love."
I've been hearing that message a lot lately.
Hearing it as often as I have in the last few weeks -- SIGH -- praying that I would not just HEAR, but DO.

On Being Single...
Since living and working in Asia it has felt like I get asked a lot more often why it is that I'm not yet married.

Sometimes when people ask that it feels like they are saying that a husband and marriage is just something you can run out and get at the store. It's like they are saying to me, "So, why didn't you just pick one up??"
Is it really that easy? Hahahaha.

Sometimes during these types of conversations I start to feel like they think I have chosen against marriage.
Like I have chosen not to get married.
Like I have had -- and declined -- tons of offers.

I haven't. I haven't declined any offers; there have been none. :)
I have not chosen against marriage.
I am a believer of marriage. I would like to be in one.
When it's time. When it's the right person.

I also don't feel like I have chosen career over marriage and family. I have heard that one too.
And when people hear about my work and the life I lead... I get this "Aaahhh..." like they've figured me out.
But no, I don't feel like I have chosen an adventurous, travel-filled lifestyle over settling down and having a family.

I feel like I have tried to choose to say YES to God.
I have asked of Him,"Where and what can I do to be a part of what you're doing in the world," and I've chosen to do those things as He reveals the opportunities to me.

I feel like I have chosen to try to live my life in a way so that whether I am 80 and single OR 80 and married with a long line of grandkids, I want to be able to say that I lived my life responding to God and not feel like I was continually just waiting for life to start.

For the most part I feel content in life.
Does that mean I don't want to be a wife and a mother??
No. Honestly, I still long for that.
And, I've been challenged lately in thinking about why I sometimes feel as though I have to be hush-hush about that desire.

I do wonder that while I have not consciously chosen against marriage etc., have my decisions in life, my lifestyle, my independent nature, etc. do they reflect subconsciously a choice in themselves??

I don't know the answer to that... but, I do know...
I'll continue to say YES to God...and trust Him for the one who says YES too.
And then ... we'll say YES together. :)

Today I was back on the 3rd floor...back at my desk in the office.

The last time I was in the office was sometime in mid-February, I think.
Between taking two trips and working from home while my parents were visiting... it feels like it's been a loooooonnnnggggg time since I've worked in the office.

It feels good to be back with my friends and colleagues.
I spent about half the day today just visiting with colleagues, cleaning my desk and all the other settle-back-in types of things.
And then I spent the other half of the day meeting with my supervisor.

I had seen her for about 10 minutes when I brought my parents through the office during their visit.
Before that, the last time I saw her was at the beginning of February.
We had a lot to catch up on.
So ... we met for 5 hours.

I spent time over this weekend trying to prioritize my "Things-To-Do."
So basically we reviewed my 6-page list reviewing work that is going on with different clients, upcoming meetings and travels and sprinkling in some fun conversation throughout.

Even though I had a lot of things on my list -- and ADDED some during our meeting, I'm surprisingly not too overwhelmed by it. Hopefully things stay that way! :)

It's good to be back.
Glad to be reconnecting this week.

1. Cafe Coffee Day's Tagline

"A lot can happen over coffee"

Love it!
Makes me want to go there and have coffee... you never know what can happen!


2. "I feel pretty. Oh so pretty."

I don't know what it is about clothes I get to wear while I'm in S. Asia. But, it always makes me want to sing "I feel pretty. Oh so pretty." I love the colors and the patterns... I love how it makes me feel ... pretty!

3. The Man

Every morning when I'd leave the place where I was staying, this man would greet me so heartily with a HUGE smile and some words. I really have no idea what he was saying, but his friendliness was always a great way to start the morning!!

He smiled his big toothy smile right after I snapped this photo.


4. Get them hooked on the classics!

Spotted this in the airport. For all you Twilight series fans... the covers of these classics probably look somewhat familiar. Love the way they are trying to get people to read the classics.

In case you can't see it, the cover of Wuthering Heights has this little call-out design that says, "Bella and Edward's Favourite Book." :)


5. Trees. Flowers. Water. The Night Sky

Love the touches of nature that I've been gifted with lately.


6. Branded

People go crazy over branded stuff. That alone makes me smile. But, when I saw this polo shirt for sale in Greenhills during my parent's visit... I had to laugh out loud. Can someone tell me -- is there a shirt like this for real?????

7. KIDS!!

I have soooo loved kids being around.

Smiling faces. Laughs. Whiney cries. Headfuls of curls. Running around.
Oh, how kids have made me smile in the last few weeks!!

8. Shimmering Water!

This made me smile in such a special way today... gets its own category apart from #5. I loved the way the water reflected off the lagoon water making it shimmer and shine like diamonds. Beautiful!!!!

There are times when my very independent nature becomes incredibly evident to me and I realize how incredibly COUNTER cultural it probably seems here in Asia.

Today was a holiday here in Manila. Having just returned yesterday from traveling, I was quite excited for a day alone to rest, relax and reflect.

So, I found a park that I wanted to explore. I walked around for quite a while and then found a spot to "be still." I realized that I was the only one I saw there that was alone. There were couples (LOTS of them!), families, groups of friends, birthday parties...but no other solo acts.

I was listening to Shane and Shane singing "It is Well" while journaling when I felt the tiniest little tap on my shoulder. In her 1 1/2 year old ways the cutest little girl smiled and talked to me. The little girl, Kaye, walked over from her family's spot to be my friend. Awww.... :)

I wonder if even as a child she was making her own observations. I wonder if she knew I was there alone in a world where that's somewhat odd and decided that SHE would be my friend.

HA! Her parents were just as sweet and friendly to me. They thought I was Korean. Haha. Add that to my "I'm an Asian chameleon" list . :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Quezon City

"Jesus knew that God is our caregiver, but creation can be the warm blanket that God uses to wrap our cold hearts." - Gary Thomas, "Sacred Pathways"

I love being outside. I find that being under a tree, sitting in the grass, watching the sun, hearing water... all of these things help bring rest to my mind and soul and draw me closer to the Lord. It helps to open my heart and mind to hear from Him.

I have missed that A LOT in the time that I've lived here.
In Gainesville I had ... the whole UF campus! ... and The Thomas Center!!
In Orlando I had Leu Gardens, Lake Eola, Disney's boardwalk, ... Disney!
In Pennsylvania I had Bucks County Community College, Core Creek Park, Tyler Park, ... my backyard!

So far I haven't found spots here that are "THAT" place to go.

Today I went to a park in Quezon City to check it out.
It isn't quite "that" place, but I am thankful for the day I had there today.

A shady spot under a tree.
Sitting by the water with the sun making it shimmer.
Kids skipping rocks.
A nice consistent breeze keeping it cool enough to stay outside.
My journal, some notes, my Bible, my iPod ... and a big bottle of water.
A great day...

One of the things I was concerned about in anticipating this trip, was feeling emotionally torn.
I left my parents at the airport in Manila the day I left for the retreat. Saying goodbye to them after a great visit -- I boarded the plane for S. Asia and they boarded theirs for the States (with Jason Castro from American Idol!!!).

I was worried about how I'd feel emotionally during my time away.

But, it was hard to feel homesick while I was at the retreat.
One of the things I enjoyed about my time there was being surrounded by families and being a part of a group that felt like a family.

I enjoyed watching them work together, play together, eat together, and serve each other.

People took care of others' kids as if they were their own. As a matter of fact, I had to mentally keep track of which kids belonged with which parents because more often than not someone else was holding them.
And I loved that!

I loved hearing the kids run around and laugh. I loved watching them worship together -- in work, in play, in prayer. I loved watching the group interact and laugh with each other.

I loved feeling welcomed and a part of things while together with them.

There is much to learn from great leaders.
The greatest joy for me is learning from their example.

The first day of the retreat, one of the leaders set the stage for the rest of the week. Basically he shared about the heart of the organization.

Knowing the struggles and difficult circumstances that they have faced -- individually and corporately -- I was inspired by the words of commitment. Even when it "cost" them much.
Their example of such commitment and perseverance is amazing. They are beautiful models of humility.

As he spoke, he challenged us with words about love, humility, loyalty, submission...

And then he served the people in that manner -- with love, humility, loyalty and submission -- he and his wife came before each person and washed their feet.

The most beautiful thing to me about that moment was the incredible sincerity and genuineness about it. As I watched the husband and wife kneel before each person gathered, I saw them serve them with love and compassion. They prayed for them -- the kinds of prayers that are lined with passion and a sense of knowing the deep things to pray over. Real. Genuine. Heart-felt. Sincere.

I saw the tears of the people as they were loved on. I don't know what each one was thinking... maybe like me, they felt absolutely humbled and undeserving of such an act of love ... yet at the same time, filled with such an amazing touch of grace and love that was flooding over me.

I felt grateful. I felt honored. I felt humbled. I felt awed. I felt Jesus.

And there on that first day... blessed. Absolutely blessed.

There are so many things that I have been challenged with over the past two weeks.

As I have sat and participated in the spiritual retreat with colleagues from one of our national partner organizations, I have been blessed, blessed, blessed, by their example.

I feel like God has shown me so much through them and I hope that I can apply and truly GROW from these experiences.

PRAYING TOGETHER
This community is QUICK to pray together. I so appreciated that!

As one shared a testimony about their baby girl, in an instant one of the leaders was standing beside him calling up the wife and child and fellow colleagues lifting up the baby in prayer. As another individual shared during a devotional time, he expressed the struggle against worry and anxiety. Again, someone stood beside him in prayer.

So many times during the two weeks there seemed to be opportunities to trust one person or situation to the Lord -- and it was so encouraging and challenging to me to see them QUICK to move to prayer.

One of my last nights there one of the staff asked everyone to gather at the main hall. As we gathered outside each one was given a candle. Inside music was playing,

"Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world"

One of the leaders stood on the steps, each one walking by taking the flame from his candle to their own. We entered into the darkness ... with our light. On the floor of the hall was the outline of the nation, now lit as each one staked claim over it with their candle.

The group circled around and holding each others' hands, prayed in unison for the country.

"NO MORE DARKNESS. HOPE. VICTORY. BROKEN CHAINS. TRANSFORMED LIVES. YOUR WORD. YOUR GLORY. USE US. LIGHT."

As the voices hushed, the group sang,

"Shine Jesus shine, fill this land with the Father's glory blaze spirit blaze set out hearts on fire..."

Committed to prayer.
Passionate in it.

Yes, it's been over a month.
And much has happened!

I'll be revisiting the last several weeks over some time. Blogging about what's happened is good for me. :)

Today for example...
the day that started last night around 11:16 PM.

11:16 PM
Got picked up for my ride to the airport

4:30 AM ish
Arrived at the airport for my 10:30 AM flight.
The nice ticketing agent was so sympathetic... "Oh, ma'am... you're so early... I'm sorry.

Spent the morning listening to my "Easter Playlist," sipping on lychee iced tea, writing out some random thoughts, and napping here and there.

10:00 AM ish
Flight begins boarding.

11:20 AM ish
Still sitting waiting ... something is wrong with the starter. Engineers are checking into it.

12ish
Captain announces that the plane is grounded. Another plane is getting ready for us and a shuttle is coming to pick us up.

Shuttle arrives.

HILARIOUSLY, we pile into the shuttle bus and the bus doors won't close AND the shuttle struggles to get started. HAHAHA!! I was glad to see that other passengers still had enough humor in them to laugh at the situation too. Hehehe. :)

12:15ish
I'm back in my 17C seat

12:45ish
Get myself some lunch... I'm hungry!

1:50ish
Bags are already coming around on the baggage carousel.

2:30ish
Taxi picks me up -- and I'm on my way!

I was very happy when I arrived at the house where I'm staying.
I was feeling pretty tired -- just ready to rest.
I felt like it was such a long delay, but in reality -- the airline moved pretty quickly, and thankfully we didn't take off on a broken plane!

I think of all my colleagues around the world who travel constantly.
They travel by plane, train, bus, boat... in cities, in villages, in places unknown to most of us.

Some friends I met here will be doing a lot of travel this month -- two adults and a sweet, sweet little baby. From one destination to the other may take up to a week alone!

Oh, to always choose to look at things in perspective.

I heard a story the other week about a family, stuck in the middle of nowhere, on a broken bus. And the family -- in those circumstances -- sang songs about JESUS. To one woman on that bus they exhibited such PEACE and CONTENTMENT. Created in that woman was a longing for THAT.

I want to be that family. :)