Over the past several weeks I have been getting this message from all kinds of places and people...
"return to your first love."
I love what I get to do for my work. I enjoy the challenges. I enjoy the things I get to learn. I love that I get to participate -- in a tiny, tiny way -- in things that ultimately will contribute to worshipers coming before the Lord. I love that I get to experience God through His people and His mission.
I chose, out of obedience, to do this work because of my love for God.
I worry though that sometimes I love my work... too much.
When I was in S. Asia the leader of the organization I was visiting challenged me with the thought...
"Have you become so busy preparing the carpet for the Kingdom, that you have lost the longing for the King."
One of our Area directors was also at the retreat and throughout the week he shared powerful messages from the book of Philippians. During one of his talks he used a common American nursery rhyme as an illustration and it stuck with me.
"Pussycat, pussycat... where have you been?"
"I've been to London to visit the queen."
"Pussycat, pussycat... what did you dare?"
"I frightened a little mouse under her chair."
Sometimes I become so easily diverted. How often am I unable to maintain focus and get caught up in trivial things? How often am I like the cat, who in the presence of Royalty, loses focus and gets distracted by all kinds of tiny things that get in my view?
And then the other weekend, Pastor Joel was sharing at Northland about the central nature our relationship with God must have in our lives. He shared how the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, Dr. Bill Bright, often shared with him this prayer request ... "Pray that I'd return to my first love." In his message, Pastor Joel said something like -- if this prayer request is good for the leader of one of the world's largest evangelical organizations, shouldn't it be good for us also?
Am I more passionate about preparing proposals and presentations than I am about dwelling in His holy presence?
And so, that is my prayer... I want to "return to my first love." I fear that I've been losing the single-minded purpose of knowing God. I am saddened to think that I've become so preoccupied laying carpet in the kingdom, that I've been missing out on the presence of the King.
Philippians 3 strongly describes how completely worthless and gross any of my accomplishments or anything is ... in comparison to having Christ. It's all rubbish.
So I've been thinking about this and just wondering what does this mean. What needs to change in my life? Sometimes I act as though I have to make some "grand act" or there needs to be some big, huge "event" -- something that will just turn things around and make everything new and different. But I think I realized something tonight as I was listening to church online again.
My relationship with God is just that... a relationship.
And relationships hinge on commitment, communication and choices.
And in relationships -- like marriage -- you choose to love.
Every day. Every moment.
You take opportunities to choose to love. You look for opportunities to love. You act in ways to express love. You listen in love. You submit in/to love. You use your words to love.
You continually make choices that reflect your continual decision to love.
Every day. Every moment. In big ways. In the tiniest of ways.
And I think in continually making those choices, you are loving... and you grow deeper in love.
I know... simple truths. But these simple truths sometimes escape me and I become desperately in need of reminders. By God's grace... He knows... and He does.
Pray that the choices I make... every day, every moment...are choices reflecting a constant and continual return to my first love.
PS -- I just re-read this and thought some people may be concerned that I'm not being proactive enough about making choices towards making change. I know... especially me ... I need to be very intentional about decisions to bring about change. It doesn't just happen. So "action steps" will be made...
But I think I needed to realize was that there are decisions and choices I make day-to-day, in between the "action steps" in between the "big events" and "grand acts" that are just as significant. -- if that makes any sense to ANYONE :)
I agree that we need to be intentional in relationships - including our relationship with God. However, I also know that when a relationship becomes a list of action steps, something is lost. No forumula is adequate for love. What you've written here tells me that you know that well enough. Don't let the expectations of others bully you into redefining what it means to return to your first love. Let your First Love be the only one who defines you.