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"If music means a lot to me, so do stars, and I missed them desperately in the city, where the street lights and neon signs take away from the stars so that only the most brilliant ones are visible. If I'm confused, or upset, or angry, if I can go out and look at the stars I'll almost always get back a sense of proportion. It's not that they make me feel insignificant, it's the very opposite, they make me feel that everything matters, be it ever so small, and that there's meaning to life even when it seems most meaningless."

- Madeleine L'Engle

A Ring of Endless Light

A sigh-inspiring little tidbit that I loved while reading A Ring of Endless Light this weekend.

I just got back from Palawan. There were moments when I was surrounded by the things that help me breathe... the things that make remember. Stars. Flowers. Trees. Rocks. Grass. Flowing water. Blue skies. Passionate people. But for some reason, I didn't feel like I soaked it all in... that I breathed it all in deeply -- not really anyway.

Music. Stars.
Getting back a sense of proportion.
It's what I need.

Thankful for a non-working holiday tomorrow.
Hope to go and do just that.

Everyday a gazillion (yes, a gazillion!!!) cars, motorbikes, tricycles, and trucks pass me as I make my 10-minute walk to the office. I have never really thought about how the tires are made that move our vehicles. Or where the materials come from. I remember singing a song as a kid "Oops there goes another rubber tree plant..." but I didn't realize that rubber really came from plants.

This past week I got to go back to Palawan, Philippines and visited a farm where some of the farm's first rubber tree seedlings are being planted. A farm where hopefully in about 5-6 years, rubber tree plants will be growing tall, strong and producing well on the vast land.

No, I don't care too much about more tires being made or more latex being available ... but I care about the people of Palawan and the dreams they have.

A group of church pastors in Palawan have a passion for God and for their people. They desire to see the people of Palawan loving and following Christ and in that, fulfilling His call to "go and make disciples..."

Together they have committed to seeing 34 missionaries sent out from their own community. All of these pastors recognize that a lack of financial resources will likely be a big challenge for someone pursuing missions. These pastors don't believe that should be the case.

And so, they are doing something about it. Churches of different sizes, styles, denominations and backgrounds have come together and purchased land. On it they will grow rubber trees. The profits from the harvests of this farm are dedicated to financially supporting their missionaries.

It was a beautiful moment standing on the top of the mountain and looking out onto the land that has been reserved for this purpose. Throughout the whole mountainside there are bamboo sticks marking the spots where the seedlings will be planted.

These seedlings will grow year after year. And in time, in place of the bamboo markers, there will be tall rubber trees ready to be tapped for latex and serve its purpose for these people. In the same way, God will continue to grow the hearts of His people in Palawan for missions and they will serve their purpose for Him. They will be a blessing to who knows how many, and where -- but through them He will be glorified!

How awesome it is to see the Church have a vision, be willing to dream big... and commit to seeing it happen.

So, when you see that car tire, as you use your pencil top eraser, as you fling that rubber band across the room... remember the rubber trees be planted on that mountain in the Philippines. Think about the missions heart that is pumping in Palawan... and pray.

• Pray for the team of young farmers who labor with a deep love for God and with a strong sense of purpose. For their safety, health and encouragement.
• Pray for the pastors as they lead their churches and desire to cultivate a missions heart in their people.
• Pray that God would continue to build unity among the churches. It is inspiringly beautiful to see the unity across denominations.
• Pray for the young people of Palawan... that they would see that they have indeed been blessed to be a blessing and will live that truth out.
• Pray that God will continue to stir the hearts of His people in Palawan, give them wisdom, inspire their vision and remind them of His provision.

It's been weeks now since I last blogged... and I can't remember what's happened during that time?!

I turned 34.

Last Friday was my birthday. It felt like I celebrated for weeks thanks to fun, thoughtful friends. It was a fun birthday filled with so many blessings. Sweet words of love and encouragement. A fun party. 2 delicious cakes. Fazoli's. Movie. Laughter. Friends. Lots of surprises.

Church.

Okay. After a year and a half I've finally decided on a church to regularly attend. This was really, really hard for me. There's a great church that I had visited a few times. It's a smaller church so there was an incredibly warm and welcoming feeling whenever I would go there. They have awesome worship music. And they have a WONDERFUL ministry for youth. They have a great vision for young leaders and live it out consistently. Unfortunately, I found it difficult to be consistent and commit to being there in the midst of travel. And, while I can understand Tagalog, I found it difficult to really, really focus and really learn during sermons. So, I decided that (for now at least) I'll plug into the church I started attending when I first arrived in Manila. The teaching is GREAT and it's in English. And, I think I'm in most need of that right now.

Dry Spell

I returned from my last trip on June 18th. I haven't travelled anywhere since then. Boy, I've missed it. I've enjoyed being home and having some "routine" in my life. But, at the same time it's been hard! I've missed working face-to-face with colleagues. I've missed the fun of being in new places and meeting new people. To be honest, I've struggled with staying motivated and focused sitting at my desk day-to-day. Who knew that I'd miss the hectic travel so much?!?!

The Dry Spell is Over!!!

Finally! Just last week I was given the opportunity to visit a part of the Philippines that I've been hearing about for years. PALAWAN.

When most people hear "Palawan," they think of its beautiful beaches, pearls and its paradise-like getaways.

When I hear "Palawan," I think of April 1998. During that month there was a celebration of the Kagayanen New Testament. MY plans were to move to Manila and join the Monsoon team then and help them document the grand events. Well, plans change. God's ways are beyond ours. And for that I am thankful. I am thankful for 2008-2009, the lessons I learned then, and how God has and continues to use that time for HIS GOOD.

And, I am so thankful that now I have the chance to visit this place and see what is happening among the churches there.

Not Alone!

This trip to Palawan is a work trip. BUT, it still should be fun! It feels like I rarely get to travel WITH colleagues. I will be traveling to Palawan with colleagues who work with Monsoon and Sa Bawat Wika. Yay!!! Looking forward to traveling and working with others!!

BY THE WAY: We'll be there for their first mission conference -- "Go Glocal: Empowering Palawan Christians to Become Globally Minded and Locally Active!!!!"

DECISION TIME

OH... and I'll be in Manila for at least another year. Yup. I committed to continue working with Monsoon at least until February 2012. I'll blog more about that later.

And... I guess that's about it...can't remember anything else.

Must be the aging thing.

Hahah!

...worked overtime last week! Heheheh.

Our team had a week-long meeting last week.

From Monday - Friday, pretty much 8:30 AM - 5:00 PM we met together.

And, we had lunches and dinners together as well.

I was glad for it -- even if my "introvertedness" was getting a major workout.

Our entire team hasn't been together in months. Even those of us who work in the Manila office haven't met together as a team in a long time. So, it was a good week of being together. Teammates from AUS, PNG, HK, USA, and MNL were here. We also welcomed an intern from Germany who will be working with us for the next 6 months.

We shared about what we each of us are working on, we talked about some of the challenges we're facing, we talked about the future, we ate together, we played bingo bowling together and we talked to God together. It was a good week.

I'm thankful that I get to be a part of this team.

And thankful for each one on it.

Went out for a date today and was treated sooo wonderfully!!!
Treated with delicious food, beautiful scenery, wonderful company, flowers, and... A RING!

Okay, okay...I know, no fooling you all!

So, today I went out today with some of Monsoon's Vision Trip 2010 participants.
We ventured out to Tagaytay, took a boat out to Taal Volcano, and walked up to the ridge.
It was a beautiful (although HOT!) day.
Our trek led us to the top where we enjoyed the view of the lake inside the volcano, inside the lake. It was beautiful and totally worth the journey.

All throughout the day there were these sweet, sweet gifts from God. Beautiful little flowers along the hiking trail. Sweet little bird songs. Laughter. Good music. Shady tree spots perfect for taking a breather. A spring of cool, refreshing water along the road (for our overheated car!) Great company. Good food. A ride in a super, good-looking car. :)

And... the thing that totally just blew me away -- THE RING!!!
While we were in the boat on the way out to the volcano I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude for that moment. I was so thankful for the chance to be with the group, to be sitting outside in the fresh air,to be out in the water, seeing such beauty and to be there with clear blue skies and smatterings of white clouds.
And then I saw it... a rainbow! I smiled. And then I realized... it was a rainbow ring around the sun!!! I had never seen that before and it just totally blew me away. I was giddy over it!

All day today it just felt like God was wooing me in His very special ways. Things that touch my heart and make me smile, He kept putting before me over and over again. I loved it. I feel so loved... and loved so well.

(Okay... so now I know thanks to Google that the rainbow around the sun is a halo! The picture I took does not even come CLOSE to capturing how beautiful it was. We had a great photographer out with us today. Hopefully I'll get a copy of the photos she took to share with you here! )

I haven't been out of my apartment since I returned from work on Tuesday night.
I've been home -- sick.

I had intended to get a lot done this week. I actually planned to have some really productive days working from home. But instead, I mostly just found myself having to lie down and rest.

Cold? Flu? Allergies? Not sure... I Googled it to see if I could tell the difference but I couldn't really. All I know is that I came home on Tuesday with the start of a sore throat, woke up with no voice, have had terrible congestion/sinus pressure all week long, my whole head hurt -- including my jaw, felt feverish (although I never had a fever), and achy all over. Thankfully it's going away.

Yesterday and today were the only days I was able to get work done. It was a frustrating week. It felt like the week was just sucked away from me. Nothing was done. Nothing was accomplished. It just kind of drifted away...

I found that I never really rested because I had my plans and I wanted to follow through on them. But I couldn't follow through on my plans because I just really need to rest. Bleh.

Recently, a couple of leaders in the area had been sick to the point that they were on bed rest for a long while. I think I have heard both of them on different occasions comment on how they have been blessed during their time of bed rest. They both said something along the lines of how it has given them time to just be with the Lord -- meditate on His Word, be in prayer, worship, etc. I think if they were to comment on this time, they would say that it has been GOOD for them.

I remember when I heard that I thought, "Wow! That's great!" After this week, I think even more so -- "WOW!"

Oh, to have that heart, mind and discipline to truly "be still" before the Lord and just be CONTENT to be in His presence. Even if I do nothing else...accomplish nothing else...add nothing else, but to just be wholly content and satisfied to just be with Him.
I feel like I have had moments and times like that ... but oh that I would have a greater desire for that, and see that be even more true in my life.

NOTE: I am feeling better. And tomorrow I'll venture out. Whew. About time!!

Photographers.

Writers.

Designers.

Videographers.

A group of about 10 media professionals from the Philippines and the Americas heading to a neighboring country here in Southeast Asia. The first Monsoon trip of its kind -- Vision Trip 2010.

One of the things that really energizes me about my work is the thought that through it, people would have the opportunity to get a glimpse of how God is at work in the world. And hopefully, get a vision for how they uniquely may take part in it.

I love seeing the look of excitement in people's eyes as the wheels start turning in their mind as they think about the possibilities of how they could be part of the exciting work of God. I love seeing them start to catch the vision of how who they are can contribute to the bigger picture. I love it when people can start to see how they can be themselves and through their gifts, their skills, their experience, and their passions, be an important part of the work of missions.

And so, I'm excited that this week a group of media professionals will actually experience this for themselves. Tomorrow they will travel to the country of one of our partner organizations and will work together with them on specific media needs that they have.

They'll capture images. They'll record interviews. They'll write up stories. They'll get the chance to see how their work truly does have value in the world of missions.

So, please pray for them. Pray for them as they get to know each other and work with each other. Pray for God to use them mightily this week and that they experience joy and delight in their service. Pray that their hearts and minds would be open to the things the Lord would have them learn and be challenged by each day during this trip. Pray too that as a result of this trip they would be advocates for media in missions.

Yes, I'm super excited for this group.

And yes, I'll admit it...I'm a little bit jealous that I'll not be with them.

I'll be stuck here in the office. Hehehehe!!!

One night last week as I was drifting off to sleep, I found myself crying.

Not only were there tears running down my face, but there were audible sobs as well. That kind of crying.

I was kind of surprised by it. There wasn't really anything significant that happened that day to make me upset. So I found myself crying and asking, "Why am I sad? What am I upset about?"

And in my sobs I heard myself answer my own question...

"You've left me here all alone. It's not supposed to be like this. I'm alone. I'm forgotten."

Those are the feelings and thoughts that had me up and crying one night. I thought about the different things that had me feeling that way and was exhausted in the morning. I opened up my Bible to the reading for the day and was comforted and convicted by this...

My Lord longs to be gracious to me.

He rises to show me compassion.

I am blessed if I wait for Him.

He will be gracious when I cry for help.

He guides.

He goes before me.

He goes with me.

He provides.

He binds and He heals.

I am precious.

I am honored.

I am His.

He has made me.

He has redeemed me.

He will not forget me.

There are a lot of reasons for why I was feeling the way that I was.

Some very real.

Some very legitimate.

Some not... at all.

I recognize that feelings of being completely ALONE and FORGOTTEN are one of the Enemy's "easy" ways of getting me down. Those are fiery arrows that hit me hardest and the ones I'm most vulnerable to, especially these days.

And so with the sweetest of blessings I have been reminded that I am never alone and never forgotten. His presence tells me that. His Word reassures me of that. And others are an expression of that -- a surprise email, a conversation over Skype, an expectant "how are you?"

I wasn't going to blog about this, but then during church at Northland this morning (evening for me), Pastor Vernon shared a quote of Frederick Buechner. As he shared it, I had already started to Google it so I that I could share it.

"When you remember me, it means that you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am in who you are. It means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us. It means that if we meet again, you will know me. It means that even after I die, you can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.

"For as long as you remember me, I am never entirely lost. When I'm feeling most ghost-like, it's your remembering me that helps remind me that I actually exist. When I'm feeling sad, it's my consolation. When I'm feeling happy, it's part of why I feel that way. If you forget me, one of the ways I remember who I am will be gone. If you forget me, part of who I am will be gone.

"Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom," the good thief said from his cross (Luke 23:42). There are perhaps no more human words in all of Scripture, no prayer we can pray so well."

- Frederick Buechner

Listening to Your Life

So I hadn't really planned on blogging about my emotional breakdown, but when I heard this quote, it made me realize how, as Buechner puts it, "There are perhaps no more human words in all Scripture, no prayer we can pray so well." I think the feelings of wanting to be "remembered" -- to not be alone and to not be forgotten -- are so very real, so very human.

To some extent, we all go through these feelings. (Right??)

And so right now, I'm reminded to pray for my friends - those who are in a different place, who are away from people who know and understand them, who are "alone..." and for those who just feel "alone" and "forgotten" -- praying that in special ways this week you would feel loved, remembered, and reminded that you truly are never alone.

And for me, a reminder to "be on the alert." Oh, how it seems that the Enemy knows me too well. And so, ... Be on the alert. Wait on Him. Cry out to Him. Remember. Return.

NOTE: I really need to pick up a book by FB or something, because whenever Pastor Vernon shares a quote of his (which he often does) I am so drawn to his thoughts and the ways he puts words together to convey them. It's always just so well said! Suggestions??

"You never know what may cause them. The sight of the Atlantic Ocean can do it, or a piece of music, or a face you've never seen before. A pair of somebody's old shoes can do it. ... You can never be sure. But of this you can be sure. Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next."

- Frederick Buechner

Beyond Words

(Found this quote online while looking for another quote. Will blog more about it, but just wanted to share this right now.)

So something I learned tonight that I didn't know last night... The power generator for the building powers one of the outlets in my bedroom. It's the one where the bedroom light is plugged in.

Check out my blog from earlier today to see why I find that so funny. Hehehe! :)

Right now I'm sitting in my room with the lights and my internet on thanks to three extension cords :) probably a fire hazard so i will get off soon. :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Yeah... so the storm was noisy, loud and strong.

It woke me up and kept me up.

Here's how things looked when I got up and went to work in the morning.

Not too bad. It sounded so much worse than this!

July 14, 2010 - Typhoon Basyang

At home today.

Non-working holiday here in the Philippines.

Inauguration Day!

So, on the agenda today is...

• sleep in (which I did :) ).
• continue my search for a solution to import my Outlook emails into either Mac Mail or Entourage. URGH!
• work on a few documents for work that I want to finish and get emailed out today.
• and...watch the activities throughout the day as the new President of the Philippines, Benigno "Noynoy" S. Aquino III, takes office today.

I've been thinking about Inauguration Day in the States.

The only one I really remember watching was the latest one for President Obama.

I remember watching the activities of that historic day while packing to move here to Manila.

And now here I am!

I'm in Manila, watching the inauguration of the 15th President of the Philippines.

Apparently, you can watch the same thing I'm watching too. The channel I watch is streaming their broadcast throughout today.

By the way... Friday is a non-working holiday for our office too... Pasig Day!

Welcome back...

• mornings stirred awake by the sound of strong rains.
• mornings waiting ... waiting ... waiting for a break to quick rush it over to the office.
• being sooo close to the office doors thinking I've made it ... just when the skies open up and dump wet all over me.
• laughing and smiling at the hallway decor of umbrellas left open to dry out.
• shivering cold in the office thinking -- oh, I really should leave a change of clothes here.
• clothes drying out just in time for the afternoon downpour -- also known as ... the walk home.
• slipping and sliding because I really should get better flip flops to wear in the rain.
• uselessly holding an umbrella because the rains fly sideways at every which angle. No matter what I'm wet.
• knowing this and yet still buying an umbrella at the closest store because I forgot mine ... at home, in the office, in the taxi...
  
• having to laugh at myself when inevitably my umbrella flips out and almost takes me with it.
• beautiful, powerful storms -- skies electric and sounds rhythmic and rumbling.
• cool, breezy nights.
• gorgeous after-storm skies.

Today was the first REAL rainy season day that I've seen this year.
It was glorious!
It was beautiful and breezy. The lightning was bright and brilliant. The thunder was roaring.
I watched as it moved across the city -- the sky was cleared up in front of me and just down a ways, the storm raged on.

It was beautifully romantic.

Likely I felt this way because I worked from home today (nursing what was lingering of some ear pains).
I watched it from my 16th floor unit with the windows open, breezes playing my wind chimes and the storm being accompanied by my iPod playing a mix of classical songs.

Perhaps it was best way to spend my first rainy season day of the year.
Now as I walk to work with soggy pants, I can think back to this day and find the beauty in the season.

Finally. After almost a year and a half I accomplished a goal I had set for myself.
DRIVE IN MANILA.

I set the goal when I first arrived for it to happen sometime within my first few months.
That became my first 6 months.
Which became before Christmas.
Which then became before my parents' visit (March).
Which then became before my birthday.

FINALLY! A goal met.
(Does it count when it was postponed so many times??)

Last week I got this email from one of my friends in the office...

Subject: pst What are you doing after work? How would you feel about getting your first driving experience in Manila? I don't know about you but I'm in desperate need of a run to the grocery store. Would love the company. :) Let me know!

Well, it just so happens the night before I was thinking about how long I could survive with what I had in my cabinets and how much I wanted to order out in the week. So, in my mind I had made plans -- this was going to be the time that I would take the BIG STEP and actually borrow the office car to go grocery shopping.

Well how great was it to get that email the very next day?? I'm not really one who is motivated by "I dare you!" challenges. But, nudges and encouragements from people who want to help you succeed in reaching goals and want to help you to be willing to take steps forward -- that motivates me.

And so, I checked out the car. After work I unlocked the car, welcomed my two brave passengers and drove a whole SEVEN KILOMETERS round trip. Yeah... I know... the odometer hardly turned. It shouldn't even count.

But... IT DOES!
CHECK. DONE!

A goal was set. I had someone who helped motivate me. I had friends cheer me on.
And now I'm not as intimidated by the thought of driving in Manila anymore.

Now parking... that's a whole other story!!! (Really...hahaha!)

This week there were some sweet surprises...

Finished
Okay, I confess. I haven't been following the World Cup. I do know that it's been going on. As a matter of fact, I've been collecting the glasses. Yup! McDonald's has a collector's set of World Cup glasses.
While I was gone last week I had wondered if the promo would still be happening when I returned. When we lunched at McDonald's one afternoon I was able to get the rest of the glasses that I needed to complete the set with the purchase of just ONE meal. Yay! I was relieved because that was the 3rd day in a row that I ordered from the golden arches. Whew!



Driving Day
On my list of things I wanted to do before my birthday.
DRIVE IN MANILA.
Check. Done.
One day this week one of my friends at work asked if I'd be interested in going grocery shopping after work -- and if I might want to check out the company car AND drive us. Well, I had actually had that very thing in mind to do. So, her initiating was the push to actually do it. After work I took out the Crosswind for the very first time. It was fun to be driving again. And even nicer to have my very own cheering section while doing it.

Guarded
The night I went out driving I had a few challenges in parking lots -- getting out of parking lots, a car alarm that wouldn't shut off, and a trunk full of BOXED groceries (Wednesdays the grocery store tries to do its part for the environment and doesn't bag using plastic bags). With each challenge security guards came to the rescue. All night long the guards displayed incredible amounts of patience, grace and generous helpfulness. Sooo wonderful!


Musical Theater
I miss going to plays and other live art performances. One evening this week (Tuesday) I was at home searching online for local performances of anything. I really wanted to go see something. Came up with nothing.
The very next day out of the blue a friend at work said, "Did you know that they're showing Legally Blonde at the Meralco Theater?" The next night she told me she was able to get my name on a list for the show. What I didn't know was that it was opening night so it was an energy-filled night (And the leading actress's celebrity boyfriend was sitting just a row behind us in the next section!) The whole evening was fun and a huge blessing. I couldn't believe the timing of it all. It was a sweet, sweet, sweet surprise!


Dr. Generous
I woke up on Wednesday with an earache. Thursday (Legally Blonde night) it was fine - gone. Friday it hurt worse than it had on Wednesday. So, I decided to go to the clinic. The first sweet surprise was that I was first in line to see the ENT doctor. So my wait was a total of 30 minutes -- and that's because I arrived 30 minutes before the doctors do. Whoa! That never happens!!! He checked me out and said everything looked okay -- my ears were very irritated, but he didn't see any infection. He wanted me to take drops to reduce the swelling and prevent any possible infection. He wrote up the prescription, went to a cabinet and pulled out a box. "Here, so you don't have to spend money on the prescription. This should be enough for the 5 days."

WOW! Nice. I wasn't expecting that AT ALL.


2 for 100 pesos
Picked up this VCD in the 2 for 100 pesos pile at the video store in the mall.
I hadn't heard of it before. But, reading the blurb on the back I thought it would be worth the 50 pesos.
It was definitely worth it. I would be willing to pay more for it.
Great movie.

One last one...



Chunky Choco Mocha
I went in to the Mini Stop to pick up some snacks for the guards who helped me out at the parking lot at my place. Walking by the freezer case I saw this LIMITED EDITION ice cream flavor. Hopefully it is not TOO limited, it is YUMMY!!!!

Chocolate layers. Chocolate chips. Crushed cashews. Peanuts. Mocha ice cream.

Email.
Skype.
YouSendIt.
Intranet.
Dropbox.

There are so many things available to us that makes our virtual workplace -- work.
And for the most part, it works pretty well.
When we use these tools we have the ability to close the gaps of geographical space, time zones, and financial restrictions.

BUT, there is still GREAT value in having face-to-face time.

I just got back this afternoon from spending 4 days with colleagues in South Asia.
This team wants to develop a website and get it live soon.
My co-worker, Oliver, and our friend, Sam, got to sit side-by-side for about 4 days learning Drupal (software for building a content managed based website). They got to ask each other questions, search around the web together for solutions, and work on things until they figured it out.

I think the 4 days helped to build this new working relationship between these two men and I HOPE that it will help Sam to jump start the work he'll be doing in the next couple of months to get the site built and up live.

One of the men who had planned to join us was sick so we didn't have as much time to spend with him as I had originally thought. But during the time we did have together, we got to talk about the content that would be needed for the site, we worked on a plan for getting that content done, and we talked about other communication needs that were still remaining.

Face to face.

Yes, we could have gone through these things virtually. And actually, we have been doing that -- over email. But even in the limited time we did end up having together, we were able to talk through things more thoroughly. I got to hear the questions that he had. I feel like I got to hear and understand some of the challenges they face better than I have heard and understood.

Face to face.

And being face to face I'm reminded too of their hearts for God. I'm reminded of their incredible, hard work ethic and commitment. I'm reminded of their passion for their country and their people. I'm reminded of how great their desire is for their work to be known by more people -- not for their own sake, but for His.

Face to face.

It's easy when you have a long to-do-list to put things that feel faraway at the bottom. Seeing them in person and seeing their vision being pursued... in a way it's like it re-kindles and reminds me of our commitment to them. No, the face to face isn't always necessary. It's not even possible or reasonable at times.
But it sure is great to be face to face with my brothers and sisters once in a while.

So come Monday, I have some things to follow up on. Hoping that the momentum that's been built in our 4 days together will last a while.

End of Day Two of Four.

My co-worker, Oliver, and I are here in South Asia working with colleagues on their web development. Oliver’s training one of their IT guys on how to use Drupal to build their site.
Mostly I’ve just been watching, listening in and working on my own stuff while they work on theirs.

Basically I’m here to give input when it comes to website flow and content development. Not much of that has been happening so far. They’ve been having too much fun conquering techy challenges.

Tomorrow another colleague, who's been sick, will be able to join us. The two of us will likely sit and talk specifically about these two areas while they continue conquering the world of Drupal.

I’ve been keeping myself plenty busy. I’ve been continuing to work on some ideas regarding their web content. I’ve been working on some email (fun… emailing offline and then doing quick send/receives when I can steal the USB network stick from one of them to connect) and taking care of some other work responsibilities.

These meetings haven’t been too much. They're not like other meetings when I have been constantly “on” – mentally and physically. And yesterday (unlike most times when I’m gone for meetings) we went out and actually got to see some of the city (we went on a boat tour!)

So, this week’s meetings don’t feel as demanding as others, but for some reason --- today I’m so tired!
I’m just exhausted. Physically mostly. I’ve been sleeping okay – except for last night when I had to get up at 2:30 AM to reapply “OFF” as I was being attacked by mosquitoes.

Maybe it’s not so much this week but more the culmination of the last couple of weeks when I had been “on” physically and mentally. I’ve learned that as a high introvert, meetings that I help to lead tend to extremely wear me out. So, maybe it’s that -- who knows?

Anyway, (especially as we’ll start getting more into content and other “non-techy” stuff tomorrow, :)) I’m praying for more physical and mental energy so that I would do my job with excellence and serve my colleagues well. Would appreciate your prayers as well!

Back in South Asia. This time I'm visiting a different city...a different state.

It’s been a good day. I traveled here with a colleague from Manila. We arrived in the country about 11 or so last night. It was a pretty uneventful journey. Nice.

There was no movie on the 4 hour flight from Singapore here. That was a bit disappointing. Thankfully I was sleepy AND I had a fun book with me. Unfortunately, I finished it on the plane and now I have no fun reading with me. (Okay, I do have a "Long Obedience in the Same Direction" with me – but I’m in need of some mindless reading.)

We arrived at the "Y" by 12:30 AM so I was able to get a good night's rest before we started things off today.

Our first day of work was filled with lots of techy talk and great food.
After we finished work for the day we took an auto-rickshaw (the local version of the tricycle, tuk-tuk...) to the shoreline. We took a nice walk and had a fun boat tour. We saw the big industry boats, local fishermen, and the tourists' palaces and yacht clubs. It was cool, overcast and at times a bit drizzly. It made for a nice end of our first day working together this week.

Enjoying being back here...

Last night... 1:30 AM
I was up late... again.
Working on taxes ... again.

But this time was different.
I had finally gotten to the point where I was desperately in need of HELP.
So, I was up in the middle of the night preparing all the materials to send to a colleague in Dallas who agreed to work on my taxes.

While I was up at 1:30 AM working on tax preparation stuff, colleagues who are serving in different places around the world were gathering in Orlando, FL for the organization's tri-annual conference.

The folks in Orlando are streaming live some of the segments of the conference.
So, from Manila (at 1:30 AM!!) I got to join in on a bit of this year's conference.

One of Orlando's local pastors, Pastor Isaac Hunter, shared the first day's message.
His message was incredible. There was so much in his message that I wanted to jot down. Among the many things that really struck me, he said...

"Ask for help frequently, and WAY before you need it."
He then gave a personal (hilarious!) example of when he failed to do just that. He reflected on the incident,
"Why did I not ask for help? It's flat out pride."

So I found it ironic. There I was listening to this wise pastor (who by the way... reminds me much of his dad , my pastor at Northland -- Pastor Joel Hunter) while furiously trying to gather up documents to send to someone on the other side of the world to rush to avoid missing the already extended tax deadline.

"Ask for help FREQUENTLY, and WAY BEFORE you need it."
How do I get myself in situations like this???
"It's flat out pride."

How often do I not want to risk looking incompetent, incapable, inexperience, under-qualified, stupid...
and so I waste time and energy trying to do on my own what can be done so much more effectively and efficiently by or with someone else -- if I would just be willing to ask for the help I need.

Or how often I struggle alone, out of fear of someone else knowing that I don't have it all together.
Like that's a shocker! And so for nothing, I continue to struggle. And I continue to go through it alone.

"Ask for help frequently." "Way before you need it."

Pride -- URGH. I want to not care about my pride. I want to care so much more about my relationship with God that I could care less about what people think about me and be willing to ask for help way before I even think I need it -- to keep my relationship with Him right. I want to care so much more about serving others well and others being served well that I'm quick to ask for help -- regardless of how it makes me look.

In my relationship with God and in my relationships with others ... I don't want to look at reaching out for help as a bad thing or a last resort.

Rid me of my prideful attitude, Lord that keeps me from being willing to admit when I'm in need.

Continuing to learn ... and desiring growth and change from the learning.

There was a lot in his message that struck me. Hope to find a video or recording of it so I can listen to it again -- next time I won't be doing taxes while listening!

(Oh and yes... Mr. Taxman. Less than 24 hours and he's already done. And, he got me more than I would have if I had proceeded to file what I worked on online).

[Side Note: Every 3 years our organization has a conference bringing in delegates from around the world.

I LOVE THIS CONFERENCE!

During my time in Orlando, God used the 2 conferences I was able to sit in on (because of my role in the communications department) to inspire and motivate me to be willing to GO! - wherever He might ask me to go and to serve in whatever ways He might want me to serve.

I loved hearing the reports, I loved listening to the things that people seemed to care deeply about, I loved meeting people who are committed and care about how our organization contributes to change worldwide, I loved hearing what issues seemed to rise to the top and how people responded to it, I loved thinking about the potential ways that God would use the conversations, the worship, the people there, to initiate changes in thinking or direction of our organization. Inspiring. Motivating. Plus it was always an adrenaline-charged, team-building time for our comm crew -- running mics, operating cameras, working the switcher, pulling out long days -- sooo fun!!!

And so, a late night to watch some of the conference ... well worth it to me!]

...don't know why.

This actually happens a lot.
I'm sitting with my computer on my lap doing one thing or another.
(Tonight it's been taxes and emails).
The TV is on in the background and all of a sudden... it goes to static.
And that tells me it's waaaaay past my bedtime.

So I've been sitting here with static on the screen for probably the past hour.
Been thinking today about the people who give leadership to the organization I'm a part of and those that I serve in my work.

Wow.

When I think about many of these people I think...
incredible experiences.
impressive minds.
dedicated.
passionate.
driven.
powerful.
influential.
wise.
humble.
committed.
servant-hearted.
visionary.

And I think about all things that they frequently have to deal with...
the responsibilities.
the hard, hard decisions.
the people.
the stress.
the misunderstandings.
the never-ending demands.
the unknowns.
the temptations.

And that on top of all those things, there are their own personal struggles within and those hardships in their own lives and in the lives of those they love.

I want to be more appreciative, more affirming, more prayerful, more mindful of those people that God has chosen to serve as leaders (whether in role, position, influence, whatever...).

Happy Monday, friends.
Here's probably the most random mix of random thoughts... Hehehe!

Love it / Hate it.
My love / hate relationship with technology and social media rages on.
It frustrates me at times how incredibly dependent I am on my computer. My computer has been in the shop for the past month. I'm surviving -- mostly because I was provided a loaner laptop to use. But even still -- it's not my computer so it's unfamiliar, uncomfortable and inconvenient at times and it makes my work a little bit stunted. A sign, I think, that I'm overly dependent on technology. :)

And social media -- a few weeks ago I realized that I had a very unhealthy relationship with FB. Okay -- Addicted and too easily effected by what I was reading. You get the picture. So I've cut back. I think it's helped. But the thing I love about FB and other social media is staying connected. So I miss that. Finding the balance. Meantime -- continuing to love Skype and being able to see and talk to those I love.

Makes Me Want to Dance!
Oh how I love music that makes me want to dance.
That's all.
Love it!
Still on my list of things I want to learn.

Grateful
The past two weeks I've been working with a group of colleagues developing how they present their work to the public. I continue to be amazed at the opportunities that I get to work with incredibly passionate and wise people. To be part of a work that truly desires to see people and communities restored to wholeness is really a blessing. And I'm grateful that this truly is God's work. There's something in remembering that fact that brings a sense of peace and confidence -- even when I don't feel all that confident in myself. I feel God worked with us in the process -- grateful for the wisdom, the direction, and the inspired thinking.

Church
I miss my churches in PA and FL. I miss being a part of a church community. I miss being a part of a family of believers. I miss experiencing worship with people I know -- standing beside someone I know and singing praises together, receiving communion from a familiar face, talking with friends about what we heard in the message... living and serving together. While I still am looking for that here in Manila, I'm so thankful for Northland's online worship -- that has been SUCH a blessing.

Out of Tune
My guitar has sat in its bag for months. I pulled it out this past month to continue once again my pursuit to learn to play guitar. It's horribly out of tune. Working on tuning it...still. :)

Pizza Hut Misses Me
I'm sure Pizza Hut is missing me. It's been a long, long time since I've called them. Hehehe. Since I've been home for more than a month I've actually gone grocery shopping and have regularly prepared my own food. [GASP!] The fast food delivery industry has experienced a significant decline in their income this month.

There's Always Something
I have done a TERRIBLE job keeping my ministry partners updated on all that has happened this past month. It was a priority to get a newsletter out this past month. I haven't. I was also planning on taking one day as a personal day to get away, spend time in prayer, read. I haven't. There's always something that seems to get in the way of these two things -- that are important to me -- from happening. So, when I get back from my trip I plan to take my day-away and to get my newsletter out. REALLY.

My Love Flower
My love flower has returned!!! Walking to work one morning last week I looked down and was pleasantly surprised to see a little splash of pink. What a sweet, sweet gift!! It's not the same flower that grew there last year, but still... a beautifully, sweet expression to me of my Father's love.

Leaving...
Next week I leave for a quick trip. It's been a while since I've traveled, so I'm looking
forward to packing up and heading out. Less than a week in S. Asia -- a place I've heard much about and looking forward to seeing myself!

And... to my Wycliffe friends in Orlando... HAPPY DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE! Praying for all the energy, strength and joy as you serve all the delegates and the organization in this upcoming week. Have a great one!!!!

I have been home since May 1.
I'm pretty sure this is the longest that I've been home.
And it's been nice... very nice.

I was supposed to have flown out today for some meetings this week.
But, it was decided that we would move the meetings here to Manila.

It's been nice to prepare for these meetings this past week without also having to prepare for being out of town. I wasn't going to be gone for long. But, I didn't have to think about packing. I didn't have to make plans for paying bills while I was gone. I didn't have to think about what food might go bad in the fridge. Little things.

So instead of this weekend being a "pack and travel" weekend... I've had a "real" weekend.
Time with friends. Good food. Time with myself. ... and REST.

Tomorrow afternoon our meetings start. Please pray that our week will be marked by wisdom, productivity, creativity and God's presence and direction.

(If you're curious about our meetings... I'll help to lead discussions with a group of colleagues to discuss how their focus of work should be seen and known around the world (branding). We'll also work together on their overall communications strategy and plans.)

It's really hot here in Manila.
I don't remember it being this hot and humid last year.
I feel my energy getting zapped just stepping outside.

I spent almost the whole weekend at home with the AC on. I'm so glad that I have AC at home... but even with it on I still had migraines and just felt like napping!!

So, I'm definitely looking forward to the change of seasons.
Remind me that I've said that when I'm sitting in the office with my clothes drenched from the daily downpours.

Would you take some time today to pray for friends of mine, the Kondos?

Today they will have funeral services for their baby boy, Nozomu Caleb Kondo.
Nozomu went to be with the Lord on May 15, 2010 -- just 24 days after his birth.

Please pray for these friends -- for the peace and comfort that He alone can give.

(FYI: Posting this from my blog as a way to share this prayer request with my FB friends. So feel free to email me if you have questions or would like me to pass on words of prayer and encouragement to them.)

by Jason Kennedy

Lord, You are gentle;
You are so kind.
I lay my life at Your feet,
Do what You will with me, O Lord

You have been faithful,
Lord, You are good.
I give You all that I am
And ever hoped to be,
Oh Lord.

Great and mighty,
Lord, You're holy;
I will bow before You only.
All the honor and all the glory
Is due Your name,
So I will give You praise.

...with or without me being around.

Amazing. The world doesn't stop when I'm away!
Embarrassing to admit it, but that's a hard truth to be okay with at times.

Even when I lived in the States I wasn't always living close enough to friends and family to be around for everything. But for some reason, living in another country makes events in others' lives so much more significant AND so much harder to miss.

Miss...

• seeing my nephew graduate from pre-school.
• seeing my NEW nephew growing in my sister-in-law's belly!
• seeing my nieces grow up -- too fast!! (Baby Bella's walking!!)
• visiting my sister in her own post-graduation place.
• being with people I love dealing with hard, hard times.
  
• being around to help my parents get ready for whatever's next for them.
  
• friends getting engaged, married and pregnant!
• friends taking incredible steps of faith and moving towards exciting new things!
  
• seeing godchildren have dance recitals and such.
• ... just being face to face with people I love.
  

Nothing really significant happened.

But, I find that more often than not I tend to dwell on the hard, the difficult, the uncomfortable, the annoying, the frustrating. When I take time to pay attention and live with an attitude of thanksgiving, there really is a lot to be thankful for in the day-to-day... the ordinary.

So all in all, it was a good day.

Swwwweeeetttt...

• I was able to have a few really PRODUCTIVE hours of work in the office before I had to go computer-less.
• And while I was computer-less, I got to take care of a couple of overdue appointments. So, I'm thankful for co-workers who take care of my IT needs AND thankful that timing worked out so well at the doctors' offices!
• Watched the cutest couple eat dinner together. And sweet, they shared a slice of blueberry cheesecake.
• I'm certain that God protected me from getting smashed by an FX on my walk home.

You make me feel like dancing!

• I love music that makes me smile and want to dance!
• Saw the cutest little girl in the eye clinic today. She was sooo sooo cute!!!
• I wore a skirt today. It also made me feel like singing and dancing today -- like they do in the old musicals (which by the way, having a hard time finding any in the video shops here :( )
  

People!!

• Friendly, helpful people! So thankful for people who really take care to do their best in the services they provide... and do so with a smile!
• Love friends who are willing to make space in their lives to care for others.
• Blessed with sweet reminders of friends who care for me through their encouragement and prayers.
• I get to work with some pretty awesome people. I sense that they are people who truly want to serve God with all that they are and help see change in people's lives. Today, the things I worked on related to friends in Indonesia, India, Thailand, the Philippines, Kenya and Dallas. Love that God lets me join in with Him and with others in the ways that He does.
  

...that's where I was last night -- in my dreams.

Yeah -- in my dream last night I went to super-hero school. Go ahead and laugh. :)

So there I was in class -- me and 3 brothers. The youngest brother, about 6 years old, drove me to school on his bicycle (I rode "side-saddled" -- yes, on a bicycle). The eldest was played by John Krasinski (the guy who plays Jim from The Office), and he sat next to me in class (swwwwoooooon :) ) When class was dismissed we emptied out to the hallway where we were met by Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Mighty Mouse -- the whole lot of super heroes.

Our teacher was played by Ashton Kutcher and our lesson for the day was on "PAIN and SUFFERING." Our discussion was on how to increase the threshold of our ability to go through pain and suffering. Really, I have no recollection of what our teacher said, just woke up remembering the topic of discussion.

Little snippets of the dream kept popping up in my head throughout the day today. I just couldn't shake it from my mind (I think it's the heat in Manila!).

Not even going to try to interpret this dream.
But it has made me think about the different life circumstances of friends and family around me.
So many going through so much PAIN and SUFFERING.
Hard things.
Terrible things.
Heart-wrenching things.

As I watch friends and family go through these painful situations, I tend to look at them with a sense of awe and inspiration.
Trust. Faith. Hope. Perserverance. Belief in a greater good.
These are the things I sense in them.
These are the things that make them "super-hero" worthy to me.

What makes a hero to you??

Reflections - "I Love You"

"Aileen, I love you.
I shed my own blood for you to make you clean. You are new, so believe it is true.
You are lovely in my eyes and I created you to be just as you are.
Do not criticize yourself or get down for not being perfect in your own eyes.
I want you to trust me, one step, one day at a time. Dwell in my power, and love.
Be free...be yourself.
Don't allow other people to run you. I will guide you, if you let me.
Be aware of my presence in everything.
I give you patience, love, joy, peace. Look to me for answers, for I am your Shepherd and will lead you. Follow me only. Listen and I will tell you my will. Be not concerned with yourself...
you are my responsibility. I will change you without you hardly knowing it.
You are to love yourself and others simply because I love you. Take your eyes off yourself.
Look to me, I lead, I change, I make, but not when you are trying. I won't fight your effort.
You are mine. Let me have the joy of making you like Christ. Let me love you.
Do you see, child? You are not your own. You have been bought with blood and now you belong to me.
I love you. Do not struggle, be relaxed in my love, I know what is best and will do it in you.
How I want freedom to love you freely. Stop trying to be and let me make you what I want.
My will is perfect. My love is sufficient. I will supply all your needs. Look to me, child."

- Jesus

Printed in black and white on plain, white paper, this letter was stuck in a stack of old papers I brought with me from home. Finding it tonight in that big ol' pile of papers was a timely, sweet encouragement (especially before celebrating communion with Northland online this evening).

Folded in half, on the outside are written the words, "For Aileen."
Usually when someone gifts me with words of encouragement I write down who gave it to me, when and a some note about how/why it was given to me. This time -- for some reason, I hadn't.
All I have is "For Aileen... - Jesus."

... election day in the Philippines!!

According to Wikipedia, there are currently more than 85,000 candidates for 17,000 national and local positions. Included in the election tomorrow are candidates for the next President of the Philippines.

Tomorrow's election day will be the first national computerized election in the country's history.

Pray for wisdom for the nation's citizens as they cast their votes.
Pray for peace and order -- for election day and also during the transition to new leadership.
Pray for God's will to be done.

Pray for the Philippines.

(OH! and being election day, it's a holiday. So... no work tomorrow.)

Grounded.
No air travel.
HOME.

I sat at my desk today.
As I looked at my calendar and saw that I had an uninterrupted 28 days at home, I was filled with kind of a giddy, excited feeling. Some things that I'm excited about...

• sleeping and waking up in my own bed.
  
• following up on work tasks from my last few trips and getting some things done for my next trip. Crossing things off of my to-do list!
• resting.
  
• routine.
  
• finally going for LOOOONNGGGG overdue follow up appointments with various doctors.
• catching up on stuff I've let go out of control for too long. (paperwork, taxes, updates to ministry partners, ...)
  
• going to one of my favorite spots in town for some reading and journaling time.
• having lunches / dinners with friends.
• going to church and Bible study.
• hopefully visiting with some family.
• printing and framing some photos from the last year for my place.
  
• catching up with friends and family over Skype!!!
• ... and TOMORROW... getting extra pages added to my passport!!!!
  

Over the past several weeks I have been getting this message from all kinds of places and people...
"return to your first love."

I love what I get to do for my work. I enjoy the challenges. I enjoy the things I get to learn. I love that I get to participate -- in a tiny, tiny way -- in things that ultimately will contribute to worshipers coming before the Lord. I love that I get to experience God through His people and His mission.
I chose, out of obedience, to do this work because of my love for God.

I worry though that sometimes I love my work... too much.

When I was in S. Asia the leader of the organization I was visiting challenged me with the thought...
"Have you become so busy preparing the carpet for the Kingdom, that you have lost the longing for the King."

One of our Area directors was also at the retreat and throughout the week he shared powerful messages from the book of Philippians. During one of his talks he used a common American nursery rhyme as an illustration and it stuck with me.

"Pussycat, pussycat... where have you been?"
"I've been to London to visit the queen."
"Pussycat, pussycat... what did you dare?"
"I frightened a little mouse under her chair."

Sometimes I become so easily diverted. How often am I unable to maintain focus and get caught up in trivial things? How often am I like the cat, who in the presence of Royalty, loses focus and gets distracted by all kinds of tiny things that get in my view?

And then the other weekend, Pastor Joel was sharing at Northland about the central nature our relationship with God must have in our lives. He shared how the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, Dr. Bill Bright, often shared with him this prayer request ... "Pray that I'd return to my first love." In his message, Pastor Joel said something like -- if this prayer request is good for the leader of one of the world's largest evangelical organizations, shouldn't it be good for us also?

Am I more passionate about preparing proposals and presentations than I am about dwelling in His holy presence?

And so, that is my prayer... I want to "return to my first love." I fear that I've been losing the single-minded purpose of knowing God. I am saddened to think that I've become so preoccupied laying carpet in the kingdom, that I've been missing out on the presence of the King.

Philippians 3 strongly describes how completely worthless and gross any of my accomplishments or anything is ... in comparison to having Christ. It's all rubbish.

So I've been thinking about this and just wondering what does this mean. What needs to change in my life? Sometimes I act as though I have to make some "grand act" or there needs to be some big, huge "event" -- something that will just turn things around and make everything new and different. But I think I realized something tonight as I was listening to church online again.

My relationship with God is just that... a relationship.
And relationships hinge on commitment, communication and choices.
And in relationships -- like marriage -- you choose to love.
Every day. Every moment.
You take opportunities to choose to love. You look for opportunities to love. You act in ways to express love. You listen in love. You submit in/to love. You use your words to love.
You continually make choices that reflect your continual decision to love.
Every day. Every moment. In big ways. In the tiniest of ways.
And I think in continually making those choices, you are loving... and you grow deeper in love.

I know... simple truths. But these simple truths sometimes escape me and I become desperately in need of reminders. By God's grace... He knows... and He does.

Pray that the choices I make... every day, every moment...are choices reflecting a constant and continual return to my first love.


PS -- I just re-read this and thought some people may be concerned that I'm not being proactive enough about making choices towards making change. I know... especially me ... I need to be very intentional about decisions to bring about change. It doesn't just happen. So "action steps" will be made...
But I think I needed to realize was that there are decisions and choices I make day-to-day, in between the "action steps" in between the "big events" and "grand acts" that are just as significant. -- if that makes any sense to ANYONE :)